Do you enjoy being able to do tasks that take some of the pressure off of your significant other? Do you appreciate it when they do that for you? Congratulations! Your ‘Love Language’ might be Acts of Service.
What does that mean, and how might that affect your relationship? In this article, we will delve into the world of acts of service and provide you with plenty of practical acts of service examples.
‘Acts of Service’ is one of the 5 ‘Love Languages’ developed by Gary Chapman. The full list of Love Languages includes:
- Acts of service,
- Giving and receiving gifts,
- Quality time,
- Words of affirmation, and
- Physical touch.
These five ‘languages’ represent how you are likely to give and best receive love. Knowing your Love Language can help you understand yourself and what you need from your loved one, as well as how to love your significant other more effectively.
According to Gary Chapman, even if you have a mix of Love Languages, there is usually one that stands out as a primary Love Language.
If you or your partner are not sure what your Love Languages are, you can take a quiz on The 5 Love Languages website. Gary has also written numerous books, which provide additional information beyond the quiz.
So what is the acts of service Love Language all about?
The primary focus of acts of service (if that is your Love Language), is the motto, “Actions speak louder than words.”
That is not to say you don’t want to hear how you are appreciated or that you are loved. Instead, it means more to you for someone to do a task for you that you don’t like than for someone to just tell you how they appreciate everything you do.
If this is your primary Love Language, expensive gifts or a foot massage may not be as meaningful to you as, say, someone folding and putting away your laundry. The key to effective acts of service is to do something that lightens the load for the other person.
This is where communication is essential. If your Love Language is acts of service, spend some time letting your partner know which acts of service examples are most expressive of how they feel toward you.
If this is your partner’s main Love Language, take the time to find out what makes them feel special. If you make an effort to perform an act of service for your significant other, consider doing it in a way that has maximum impact for them.
Ultimately, acts of service are about the intent behind the action. It is not as meaningful for someone to “help” you with a responsibility you already enjoy, then leave you to do all the tasks you don’t enjoy. Acts of service are also not about “getting back” at your significant other by making them do all the obligations they hate.
The idea is to perform your act of service without grumbling, complaining, or perhaps even not mentioning it to the other person. You don’t engage in acts of service to get a “gold star” for the day; you do them to let your life partner know they are loved and appreciated in a tangible way.
How can having acts of service done for you help you?
When your Love Language is acts of service, and your significant other does not ‘speak’ your Love Language, you might feel unappreciated. Conversely, when your partner does understand what you need based on your Love Language, and acts on that, it can be quite affirming.
Being loved well according to your primary Love Language, especially if that is Acts of Service, can make you feel like you’re ready to take on life again.
How can acts of service help your significant other?
On the other hand, if your partner has acts of service as their primary Love Language and you were not previously aware of it, starting to show love in their language can greatly impact your relationship.
Once you intentionally engage in acts of service to show your other half that you understand their preferred Love Language, you may find them stressing less, being more present with you, or even just happier. It’s amazing what a difference feeling well loved can make to your relationship.
Acts of service examples to get you started
Here, we will provide you with specific examples of acts of service in several separate categories. You can use these to get started and then, as you pay attention to your significant other, you should start to see ways to customize acts of service to your partner’s unique needs.
In the kitchen, you can:
- prepare their morning beverage for your partner,
- make your significant other (“SO”) their favorite snack,
- offer to get your loved one something they may have forgotten for their meal (i.e., a napkin, fork, drink, etc),
- pack a lunch for your partner,
- carve an emoji into bananas (throughout the day, the carving will darken and reveal the symbol),
- use small candies (jelly beans, M&Ms, Skittles) to make “vitamin packets” for your spouse,
- hide your significant other’s favorite candy or treat (non-perishable) around the house,
- have a meal ready for your SO when they come home,
- make your partner something from scratch,
- ask your loved one if there is anything they would like you to get for them from the kitchen.
Around the house, you may:
- fold and put away the laundry,
- clean the bathroom until it sparkles,
- complete a repair you’ve been putting off,
- look for opportunities to help (bringing in groceries, putting away the groceries you brought in, bringing your partner something they forgot in another room),
- if you tend to be messy, make an effort to clean up after yourself,
- put your loved one’s towel in the dryer to warm it up while they’re in the shower,
- ask if there is something you can do from your SO’s to-do list,
- do the dishes without being asked,
- tell your partner that you will do the task they hate the most for them,
- take care of any pets you have for a week.
Vehicle upkeep might look like:
- buying them a subscription to a car wash,
- detailing your partner’s car,
- leaving gift cards for local coffee shops randomly in their cup holder,
- clearing snow and ice off their car,
- taking your spouse’s vehicle to get an oil change or other routine maintenance,
- making sure your loved one’s car is ready for the next season,
- buying your SO their favorite air fresheners and putting them in their car,
- buying your partner a gift card to a detailing service,
- filling up your significant other’s gas tank,
- making sure your loved one has a fully stocked emergency road kit.
Financial “assistance” could include:
- paying bills for your partner,
- planning a vacation on a budget,
- searching for free events to go to if money is tight (especially if you have kids),
- taking your loved one to their favorite store and giving them a gift card to buy anything they want,
- making a donation to a cause your SO values, in their name,
- making a conscious effort to stay within a reasonable budget (if you tend to overspend),
- avoiding overspending by doing research to find a good deal,
- hiring a professional to help out when needed,
- covering your loved one’s bus or train fare,
- making sure your spouse’s future is protected by purchasing life insurance.
Child “caring” might include:
- stepping in when your partner gets overwhelmed with the kids,
- taking your kids to an event while they have a relaxing day,
- spending time with your kids to give your partner an opportunity to work on something uninterrupted,
- taking your child to a doctor’s appointment,
- planning your child’s birthday party,
- setting up a 529 investment account for your kids to help cover post-high-school education expenses,
- choosing a fun weekend event and making all the preparations for it,
- asking what your partner needs you to do for the kids and following through,
- bringing your kids with you when you’re running errands,
- helping to get your kids ready for the day.
General ‘togetherness’ options can include:
- doing a DIY project together,
- going to an event your SO likes even if you don’t like it,
- encouraging your loved one to spend time with friends or family without you (sometimes you need to do things individually, especially if you spend a lot of time together),
- doing an activity that requires you to be in sync, like riding a tandem bike or peddling a boat on a lake,
- tackling a big chore together,
- seeing an online therapist, even if you have a good relationship, (sometimes it’s good to address small issues before they become big crises),
- making a meal together,
- shopping for Christmas gifts together,
- enjoying a movie marathon,
- working on a health goal together (e.g., eating better, exercising together, or learning to relax).
What if these acts of service do not leave you feeling loved?
These acts of service examples are an opportunity to help grow your relationship and maybe make your shared life a little easier. If they are not doing that for you, you may want to see an online therapist.
You could be struggling with high-functioning depression or anxiety, excessive stressors, or physical health complications. Alternatively, you may have a partner who is using acts of service to manipulate you.
If you are experiencing these or other issues, a specialized online therapist could help you acknowledge your current situation, find ways to move forward, and provide an outlet for your emotions.
Online therapy sessions can take place anywhere you feel comfortable. These sessions happen on the phone or online, meaning you get to choose the location. Additionally, online therapy provides a neutral, pleasant space to:
- Learn more about the acts of service Love Language;
- Practice evidence-based techniques, like CBT, with professional guidance;
- Build practical coping tools; and
- Set goals that reflect your values.
At Makin Wellness, we believe that you deserve to be loved well. That’s why our online therapists are here to help.
If you are unsure whether online therapy is right for you, don’t worry, we can help answer any questions you have about the acts of service Love Language, or anything else we have discussed in this article.
Call us at (833)-274-heal or click here to schedule an appointment with one of our caring online therapists today.
